Thursday, July 16, 2009
smack that dude upside his fat head

is it wrong to curse the mail carrier? is it wrong to want to shove my size 8 foot up the postmaster's blue pants covered ass? or rip that ridiculous mustache off his smart-ass talking face?

if you can't tell, i'm having issues with the post office. not in general, they're screwed up, but that's true everywhere. i'm talking about my hometown in general. this town is so uptight that if you're mailbox is not within 1 mile (and yes, they measure it right down to the inch) then you have to pay for a post office box and can't get your mail delivered to your home.

i don't like the entire town knowing my business, so i get most of my mail at another town's post office.

i called to find out if a package was being delivered today or if i could pick it up instead of it being delivered tomorrow since i wouldn't be home and i have to sign for delivery. the mofo asked me if i'd gotten my mail yet. when i said no, he said well, if it doesn't come today, then it'll come tomorrow. DUH!!!

Labels: mean people suck

posted at 1:43 PM by Pink *~*~* *~*

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Sunday, July 12, 2009
non-magical boobies and a job interview

i had another job interview this past week. this time it was for an administrative assistant for the local chamber of commerce. and probably the one time i know for sure that if i don't get this job, it truly goes to someone who is way more qualified. how do i know? sorry, it's not my psychic powers, they're on the blink. the job is for the county and since my daddy is a county politician who works closely with the chamber, they can't fudge around with who they hire. tee hee. i'll know wednesday whether or not i've got the job or what's going on with it.

this coming up weekend is my church's annual revival, also known as camp meeting. why? b/c the church dates back to before the war (the civil one, not the world one) and back then parishioners had to travel far to come for church, so they camped out on the grounds, eventually making little buildings (still called tents for some reason) to stay in. it's kind of nice. not at all creepy considering the cemetery is right by the church (and the bathrooms since they're in an outside building...yeah, we really need to work on that. not like our church doesn't have the money. with a church that old and having the ties it has, it's got a good bit in savings and they could totally build on if they wanted to...but since the majority of their week to week membership are over the age of 50, they're not concerned with making changes to a church whose population is dwindling).

i missed church this morning b/c of 2 reasons...first b/c i was procrastinating about drying my hair (i cut it shorter so i'd have less time to spend on it but it backfired) and second b/c my next to oldest nephew came to visit and he's has since informed us he's moving in with his dad for a while. interesting concept. it'll work for about a month and then the manure will hit the fan for sure. did i mention he broke the number one rule in my dad's house and got away with it b/c of the length of his hair? yeppers, he has not only 1 ear pierced, but 2!!! unheard of in my family. unless you count 2 or more holes in one ear. my dad hates boys with long hair and ear piercings. and as long as no one mentions other piercings or tattoos, we're kosher. hmmm. well, that gives me ideas about any future husbands.

anyway, on to the non-magical boobies. mine aren't magical like my buddy loralee's. they're just popping out like frozen waffles out of a toaster oven. i went to sit down and bam!! bra strap broke and my boobs popped out. thank goodness i was wearing a big shirt with a high neckline, otherwise everyone would have gotten a surprise.

and yes, to answer the unasked question...it's not the first time i've had a mishap with my bras on occasions when i needed for it not too. at work, on my way to church, in church.

and while the show itself has more sex than hugh hefner with his girlfriends, you've got to check out the show true blood on HBO. it's rather good. even the accents aren't that bad. not as bad as forrest gump, but not as good as the true thing, either. and while some of you know what i sound like from my one podcast years ago, let me tell you i sound like a cross between dolly parton and kelly pickler. not as high pitched and not as confused sounding.

gotta go now. but if you get the chance, google the song bad things by jace everett and take a listen. i liked it, but then again, i also like alvin and the chipmunks.

Labels: cleavage, family drama, job

posted at 8:05 PM by Pink *~*~* *~*

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Tuesday, July 07, 2009
the redneck ghetto

why is it that my family gets more and more strange as the days pass by? i'm starting to wonder if i am adopted or just unfortunately afflicted with a weird-ass family. want more examples?

my father comes walking by me. i ask him why he has one pants leg over his boot and the other smooshed around the top, exposing the entire boot. he just mumbles something. my uncle says it's because he's ghetto. i looked at him and said ghetto? he replied, yeah, redneck ghetto.

who knew?

this weekend at our annual 4th of july bbq (in other words, my mom cooks and everyone in the family shows up for a free meal. moochers. at least i live across the road from them. i don't travel to mooch.), my niece was a photo-holic, taking pictures of anything that moved (for a chubby chick i'm fast...plus she knows better to take a picture of me if she wants to continue borrowing stuff), and her fave picture? of her and my uncle throwing peace signs, and saying they're totally ghetto.

*sigh* My family has so many issues. This chick is ghetto like i'm chinese. not even close. good grief, she drives a PT Cruiser and wear a pink john deere hat. although, the image of my nephew (the 21 year old, not the 3 year old) plopping his big butt on his dad's lap for a picture was too funny. i don't know who was more surprised, his dad or his grandma.

no wonder i don't date. anyone who meets my family would probably want to put us in a mental institution and study us.

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Now playing: Nickelback - If Today Was Your Last Day
via FoxyTunes

Labels: rednecks y'all

posted at 8:48 PM by Pink *~*~* *~*

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Thursday, June 25, 2009
to my love...tony

dear tony,

hi, honey. it's me. you know, the girl you call every afternoon around 5:30? i answer the phone and your sweet voice comes on the line. then you transfer the f'ing call before i can say anything.

yes people, it's true. I have my very own telemarketer stalker. they call me every afternoon (despite the fact i'm on the do not call list) and try to sell me a warranty.

my car was bought used from a private dealer and is over 14 years old. i couldn't get a warranty on that thang even if the bank president was my pimp and i was a hooker. (yes, i thought i needed to clarify the fact that if i was a hooker, since, despite my protests, people insist on comparing my voice to one)

i know he's doing his job, but if i had caller id, his ass would be fired and his boss paying a fine for abusing the do not call list. i mean, call and harass someone else. i'm busy.

at least his accent sounds like he's from the united states. that's a good thing.

Labels: phone calls

posted at 3:43 PM by Pink *~*~* *~*

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